Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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