Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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