i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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