captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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