Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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