I wish I only lived at night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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