your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
