This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
