Do vagina's smell?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
