Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
