Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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