Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
