I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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