Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
