and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
