I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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