I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
