im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
