His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
