God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
