its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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