We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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