i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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