let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
