Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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