you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
