And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
