You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
