i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
