You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
