Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
