it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
