Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i came on her dog
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
