I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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