I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
