Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
