yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
