Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize