how can u be prego again
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
