i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
