my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
