Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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