im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
