fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
