i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
