It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
