He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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