hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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