I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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