He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
