sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
