While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
