mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
