Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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