I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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