you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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