fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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