she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And then he peed in my hair
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