My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
