How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
