well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
