She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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