So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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