Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
