Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
