never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
