Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
