hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
