WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
