trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
