Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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