I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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