Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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