she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
