Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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