Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
