i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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