I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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