I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
