Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
