if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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