im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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