we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
